I desire you
To be Mine
If only for
A single night
Where oh where
Do you reside
My blue blue mind
In twenty-three days I will be hittin’ the road to the great mountainous regions of Tennessee.
It seems only fittin’ that I post a little of my favorite music from the Allman Brothers, Eat a Peach album. to get me ready for that glorious day. I would have posted the live at Fillmore East vid, but that rascal is around 35 minutes long.
This is the shortest version I could find.
Enjoy the Mountain Jams, if you’ve a mind to.
It’s all jams by the way.
I received a much awaited letter from the Coalition Against Domestic Violence in the state I am currently residing.
I joined the coalition back in January when I started my blog.
I want to share with you some of the advances made in my state.
1) The budget for 2013 did NOT cut funding for the the upcoming year for the Council for Women for the Domestic Violence Center Fund that is intended to be distributed to domestic violence programs.
2) Senate Bill 302 was RENEWED for teams dedicated to examining deaths caused by domestic violence and has also included an additional two counties.
3) House Bill 24 passed (finally), providing for notification to the DA’s office if an abuser fails to complete a required abuser treatment program. (Although I do not personally believe that completing these programs prevents future abuse to future victims.) It does however, serve to throw the crazies in jail who refuse the program altogether.
4) Now here is the real killer: Adjustments to the funding for domestic violence programs (more cash) to the court and attorney’s fees in 50B cases- WERE NOT PASSED.
I will be posting a petition shortly asking you to participate in, for example contacting government agencies electronically and so forth to continue the fight.
As we all know, without the funding for the courts and the attorneys most victims of DV stand not a chance in the world. Going it alone is as dangerous as staying with the abuser.
Thanks for reading about our accomplishments as well as our failures.
I’m still trying to catch up on the awards that were so graciously given and I am woefully behind and I do apologize for that. I was given this award by Battered Wife Seeking Better Life. I was also awarded this honor by Elicit by Nature many moons ago, who has since gone private, however, I feel it only right to thank her for considering me a brave heart. They are both truly sister-survivors and I humbly accept this award and I am happy to pass it on.
Rules for accepting the award are as follows:
1) Thank the person who nominated you.
2) Post a comment on your nominees blog (with a link back to your Brave Heart Award results), notifying them that they have been nominated for The Brave Heart Award with the quote below.
Stand Strong You Are Not Alone
I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are losing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong. I want you to know that the abuse was not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse. In your life, you have faced many demons but look around you and you will see there is hope, and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.
Each step you take you are not alone.
3. Take the 12 question interview yourself and share your answers on your blog.
4. Nominate 12 blogs.
5. Share the 12 question interview with your nominees to answer.
6. Share your 12 nominees website/blog links on your blog page.
7. You can not nominate a blog if they have already received the Brave Heart Award.
Interview with myself:
1) Tell us about your blog.
My blog chronicles my life as a victim and my transition into survivor, which, continues on a daily basis. I tried to design my blog, however, I had to have a little help from my friends as I am IT challenged. 🙂
2) What is the title and description of your blog?
The title of my blog is a very simple one. My name (pseudonym). I chose the name…….are you ready for this? I chose my name from the He-Man cartoon series. Teela was the warrior goddess and Hart was chosen because I still have one even after the years of abuse I suffered. I lived in Domestic Violence for 19 years before finally making the great escape/exodus etc. I have many layers to my personality, some funny, some serious, some angry, some other stuff. I’m just a woman. No more, no less.
3) Who is your intended audience?
Originally, my intended audience was anyone who has been or still is in a domestic violence situation. I believe that the spectrum has broadened. In my mind, it makes sense to reach as many who are oblivious to domestic violence as I can in order to bring it to the forefront. I want everyone I can reach to know DV is a real and deadly epidemic and desperately needs to be addressed.
4) How did you come up with the title of your blog?
See # 2. Other than that, “Surviving Domestic Violence” is what I do every day and it seemed to fit me.
5) Give us an interesting fun fact about your blog.
Well, I do not always blog about DV. Sometimes I simply blog about my daily experiences, because, well, I’m still human, and I’m still a woman. I frequently blog about music I love, life’s funny shit that gets thrown my way. (Even though at the time it may not be all that funny.) I can’t forget my rants which are not all that fun I suppose, but if you give it time (6 months or so) it get’s funnier. 😉
6) What other blogs do you own and what makes them alike?
None. This is it.
7) Do you have any unique talents or hobbies?
This could be a loaded question, so, I’ll say not really. Oh, I do love to ride the roads. It clears my head.
8) How can we contact you or find out more about your blog?
I have my email address under contact on my blog and the only way to find out more about my blog is to read it. 😀
9) What can we expect from you in the future.
More of the same.
10) What can readers do who enjoy your blog do to help make your blog more successful?
Feedback is always welcome, I have buttons so that readers can share on twitter or FB. (You might not want to share my rants ) But, please feel free to share anything else. 🙂
11) Do you have any tips for readers or advice for other writers/bloggers?
Most definitely. Be yourself. Don’t be ashamed to be so. Sometimes I feel I should be strictly DV oriented. I have learned as I stated earlier in this post that I am an onion. I have many layers. I am more than a survivor. I am survivor yes, but I’m also a woman with a mind of my own and it’s ok for me to be both. Same goes for you. Unless of course you’re a man.
12: Before you go, could you share a snippet from your blog?
“Silence is Deadly”
Your heart, mind, body and soul is caged like a wild animal and you reciprocate by acting like one. You know nothing but obedience or reprisal. No one hears your cries of desperation; they turn a blind eye and may even take the side of your captor out of fear of retribution themselves. Your life’s spirit now sucked from you and into the vacuum of a soulless being, you give up the fight.
It is now time to die by either his hands or your own.
Silence is deadly.
Quite a while back I was nominated for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award, by Cordeliasmom and I have to say I am honored. I am very thankful for the award and her blog is awesome. You should go check her out. Especially if you want your funny bone tickled a bit.
According to the rules, I must share a bit about myself, display the badge on my site, and mention the person who nominated you in your post. The problem with sharing about myself is that I’ve shared almost everything I can think of. But, I will attempt to share some things you already know and a few things you may not know.
1) My favorite color is blue
2) I’m competitive when it comes to Canasta.
3) I am a rebel. (You know tell me not to and……….well, I just might have to.)
4) I’m protective over my children.
5) I have a weird sense of humor. (According to my children)
6) I’m an advocate for victims/survivors of Domestic Violence.
7) I love baseball. (The Atlanta Braves to be exact, but they choke under pressure and they need to work on that)
I would like to nominate my following sisters:
I can’t forget about the guys at the Clubhouse!
I have also nominated
For the Peace and Justice Award.
To accept the Peace and Justice Award:
Thank the person who nominated you.
Tell a little about yourself.
Nominate at least one person (more if you like) to receive the award.
Alright. I skirted a few of the rules.
Like I said.
I am not always one to follow the rules.
Please post the award on your individual sites, as well as the Clubhouse site. 😀
I love y’all.
Teela aka Tee
Thank you Mike
Powerful words indeed.
Before the sun
Takes its leave
Of blue skies
Birds make haste
This time to mist
Dominion is to passion
What a savage man
Is to love
The abused know
Such changes well
Against the weather
Against the relentless
Then there is the thunder bolt
Still she says nothing
The incidental nothing
Let me say here and now. I am (
almost never, most of the time, usually) always on my best behavior and I am without doubt a law breaking abiding citizen. (Sarcasm)
I don’t go around making trouble as I have some sort of drug paraphernalia on me at all times. (Sarcasm again)
I have the utmost respect for law enforcement
on a good day. (Sarcasm, and it may not end here, unlike the paved street)
I haven’t been pulled by a cop in…well…since I was a wee teen.
I suppose the cop that pulled me today was quite intimidated by my gangster appearance. (One can never be too careful you know). After all, I had my posse with me (my 69 year old mother and my 15 year old daughter). I guess I asked for it.
I was ticketed. I took my punishment like a real ‘trooper’, clenched teeth, fake smile, accompanied by the famous Clint Eastwood, make my day, look and all.
I drove away, cussin’ like a sailor, but I’ve not said one ugly word in this post and I’m happy about that.
My destination was clearly mapped out in my mind. I had to get my mother home to get her diabetic meds. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have been in that drug run, but I couldn’t help myself it was a true error in judgement on my part. I don’t know what I was thinkin’.
Of course, I drove right by an apparent drug deal and the officer did too.
I continued on and low and behold, my favorite cop made a U-turn and a high speed chase ensued as he had snagged yet another crew of vicious criminals who were traveling East at about the speed limit. (An older lady and a younger one).
Yes I did. I turned around just so I could take another photo. Of my favorite cop.
In the blink of an eye I had an epiphany. It is the 30th. He has to get that quota in and it’s blatantly obvious he’s gonna do it all in one day. Yes, that had to be it, or, someone pissed in his cornflakes this afternoon. Or, someone has to pay for the new Police Station.
By the way, I was ticketed for………..
Alright, if you insist, here’s the whole sordid story:
I was wearing my seat-belt mind you, it clicked when I put it on. You know the saying “click-it or ticket”? I clicked it. I adjusted it, placed it underneath my arm (I don’t do turtle-necks or seat-belts choking me to death) and as a result I must pay a $150.00 fine. My contribution will help pay for the new police station that was erected three blocks from my home.
Oh, I almost forgot, the city was kind enough to re-pave the street just in front of the new station. Not the entire pot-marked street, just that one portion.
FYI: The crime rate in the county in which I live, is the highest in the state. 60% of violent crimes are related to domestic violence. I sure would love to know where this dedicated law enforcement officer was when my ex was trying to run me over, driving down the sidewalk on the very street I just got pulled on, just one mile from the police station. (Not sarcastic)
I would dare to say that, looking back, he made the right decision. I’m a zit on the face of society and clearly, I must be eradicated.
Thank you favorite cop. I’m in total awe of your hard work and dedication.
We simply cannot leave this post without the “Cops” video ’cause…………. I’m a bad girl.
I must admit, this whole post, with the exception of two lines (my bad, three lines), is, in all it’s glory. Sarcastic.
Thank you Carrie.
The above link is to a site dedicated to men in an abusive relationship. I know the focus here is usually on the women who are being abused, only because that is the majority of the people who come here but I certainly know that men are abused also.
I took a quick peekaboo at this site and it seems like an excellent resource for men, honest and realistic. It give a safety plan for leaving, what to expect when you leave and how to deal with your abuser.
Hugs to all the men out there dealing with a narcissistic woman, I hope this is helpful.
Thank you finallyspeakingmytruth for allowing me to re-blog this.
Trust and vulnerability are very difficult waters to navigate for those of us who have been betrayed in so many different ways.
This gallery contains 1 photo.
Kim has been instrumental in helping me to “over” the issues I deal with each and every day. Please go by and pay her a visit. It will be well worth your time.
Thank you Kim. You are a light in the darkness.
This is a re-post of an article I wrote almost a year ago. Because of its title, it doesn’t show up in most search queries related to Narcissism. However, it’s a liturgy that has been highly effective for me, as well as several clients I’ve worked with. I created it myself because I’d tried many other methods, including counseling, for grief and regret that didn’t help. This rite helped me on a deep level, perhaps due to the symbolism involved.
The road to recovery consists of trial and error. What helps one person may or may not help another. If you are experiencing deep levels of grief and/or regret as it relates to your having been a victim of emotional abuse, perhaps this article will be of help. Namaste.
July 7, 2013 – 8:25 a.m. – Our past can affect us in many different ways, depending on our personality and the unique…
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Please do not take this personally if you decide to read it at all.
It is not directed at any individual, but at a system of corruption and self-righteousness.
I am just me, looking through a rabbit hole skewed with nothing good and it’s painful and ugly. No one wants to see the result of such a catastrophic set of events in a person’s life. Especially that person, but it’s a necessary evil that I tend to need. I have walked on eggshells forever. This is a figurative smashing of those eggshells.
I really wanted to delete it and I probably should have. But I cannot do that.
I’m not alone. There are many survivors (of many different things) who feel this rage and they are not alone. It’s important to me that those who do feel this way know that they are not alone.
Call it a lack of creativity in getting my point across. Rebellion against holding my feelings in. Call it whatever you like.
I mean no disrespect to any individual and that is where freedom of speech does come in as well as the freedom to choose not to read it.
I’m just being real here.
This is me.
Ranting to keep from exploding.
Although, I’m gonna fuckin hit the publish button of my own free will.
Un-coerced. Un-censored. Because if I don’t, I will fuckin explode.
It is however, directed at ANYONE who thinks they have all the answers, such as, but not limited to, Psychology, Physiology, Anatomy, or as I like to call ’em, distinguished members of the CTF, “the Card-Totin’ Fools”. You are all being led around, like the most ignorant of all fucking animals. Blind sheep-like sonsabitches tryin’ to lead the only fucking people that have the insight, wisdom and goddam experience necessary to walk this tight-rope we call fuckin’ survival. I have two prized, golden, words for you.
Has anyone ever told your stupid-mother-fucking-idiotic-ass that it is possible to unscramble an egg?
They fuckin’ lied to you! You cannot. It is NOT possible.
This is the only way I know how to explain any of this shit to anybody, ever! Ever!
As it is impossible to walk in someone’s shoes besides your fuckin’ own, get over your literate self and learn something from a veteran survivor of a constant war you know nothing of. I am a SUR-VIV-OR! (I decided to break that down for all the “schooled” mother-fuckers.) Just in case.
I walked out of nursing school one day with all the wealth of knowledge available to me and I thought I knew it, ALL. I learned real fuckin’ quick. I DIDN’T. I had to learn a little bit about the knowledge base I’d been given. I learned it from the fuckin’ grunts. I learned most of what I know from the grunts. The VALUABLE, “nobodies” as you so eloquently put it.
Now let’s move on. I hope all the idiots, in places they don’t fuckin’ deserve to be, got that shit.
WAR ZONE ENTRANCE: (Like there’s a fuckin’ sign other than bodies droppin’)
Fuckin’ CHAOS! (I hope that paints the picture for ya)
Collateral damage is fuckin’ gynormous! (Clearer now?)
Not only has the soldier been wounded, but also the nurse, the doctor, the medic, every-fuckin-body else is walking around with one limb and losing vital life’s blood caring for the most wounded, life-threatening injuries. Arterial bleeds, eviscerations and avulsions (brains and guts hangin’ out).
Now first of all: Maybe second, third, fourth and fifth of all.
I’m all about prevention.
Hell, let’s not have this fuckin’ war. (My arms are in the air and I got a real goddam sarcastic look on my face) because it’s
too late for some as the war’s been had and we’re all fucked, the only next logical step is…………?
Anyone care to make an oblivious guess?
It’s called DAMAGE-FUCKIN’-CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This wound gets a bandaid.
This wound gets surgery.
This wound gets dead.
I live every-fuckin’-day in?
You guessed it!
I’ve briefed you on all the information that I have. You got it all now? Chaotic so far, right?
Now, live it, like my children and I did and and still do and then come back and tell me somethin’ valuable.
I spent 19 years “hanging on every word” believing EVERY TIME he finally got it and I cannot tell you how good if feels to be on the other side of it.
Thank you Tela. This is a must read.
Get out and go on. Please go check out Tela’s site. She is an insightful sister-survivor with a wealth of wisdom to offer.
………one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
How many times have you sat there thinking ‘if only’, ‘why did they, and ‘how can I’? Focusing on these questions, and several more gets you nowhere. How do you get to the point to where you can once and for all let go of all the deep feelings of love, wanting and needing? How to do you replace the constant thoughts about your ex?
The first and most important step is to recognize & accept, you are/were not involved with a person who is emotionally connected to LIFE as you know it. They are constantly on the outside looking in, without being able to connect with a conscience. With you accepting that your Sociopath will never, ever understand what their words and behaviour has done, is completely unacceptable. No matter how much love, compassion,
understanding , empathy, you have…
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There’s just no other way to start this conversation than to first thank those who were there to support me through my long, thunder-filled night. I appreciate the hell outta that. I mean it! You were my sunshine in the moonless night. 🙂
Today I set out to go straight to South of the Border. I knew there’d be sunshine there; without doubt and Pedro. I haven’t seen him in ages. He hasn’t changed much, he’s had more than one facelift, his face looks frozen!
Of course the very first thing I did was pay Pedro a little visit, after finding out I wouldn’t get the free beer ’til tomorrow!
Besides. My next husband?
My next stop was the pot, because I had to pee, from all the free beer, I had tomorrow.
The third stall is where I found all the pot heads!
But there were plenty of sinks to piss in Lance.
For all the cheap assholes!
I love y’all.
Thanks for droppin’ by.
Besides, I started this post yesterday and it is now tomorrow and it’s time for some………. Smirnoff.