Hello everyone: happy Saturday to all of you ever-supportive people who visit my dear friend Teela Hart’s blog regularly, I am Americana Injustica – and Teela is my right hand. I am simply here as a guest blogger in her absence, to keep her stats up (just kidding, we don’t need no stinking stats…) – to keep her spirits up. She struggles.
Some of you know, Tee is away for a time, to find some strength in the peace and quiet of ‘anywhere but here’…I’d like to report that she is on vacation, but I suspect that would be a gross mislabeling of her ongoing necessity to live in FEAR.
I don’t know how many of Teela’s readers have lived it to be here reading this now (likely quite a few I’m sure – myself included), but I can say there are a lot of us out there. Too many have experienced ‘terrorism’ or ‘trauma’ in its most cruel and raw form – within the walls of a place called ‘home’. Too many realize too late that they have entered a mind-phuq zone from which there is little hope of escaping; too many never make it out alive. TRUTH.
Today, I am strong.
Today, I am free.
Today, I can hold the light out in front of myself and the masses of shivering, terrified Survivors of Trauma who walk, newly freed, along a very crumbly trail at my back into a life of their very own.
Today, I have survived.
Despite my motivation and the fire within me to move others to safety, I was once the epitome of a victim, not a survivor. I was broken by my ex-husband in ways I honestly perceived as being permanent during the recovery from my traumatic injury…life never seemed to have the same feel as it did before being so brutally betrayed by someone I had loved, shared marriage and children with, and committed myself to. I thought I had it bad, as a newborn survivor of my near-fatal marriage.
But Teela….
It’s hard for me to really put it into words when it comes to Tee; when she and I first met, she said (and I quote), “…my story pales in comparison to yours…”, a line that I have never forgotten for a single moment since, as a very telling aspect of her personality and perception of Self.
She thinks she hasn’t been through shit; as if she’s not worthy to be called a Cut Throat Survivor sometimes, she forgets that she can be free, she somehow still doesn’t see herself for all that she is…it baffles me. I love her fiercely for this reason: she is so innocent and pure, untainted by the YEARS and YEARS of Hell she lived inside of – still open and willing somehow…still so very human in every way…
If ever there was a woman out there in the world who I would stab an abusive mf’er in his neck for – it’s Tee.
Teela has never been acknowledged for her long-term strife as a domestic hostage of someone she loved and committed herself to, because she’s built that way: to keep her word.
She’s earned my undying respect and admiration through her impenetrable strength at the clubhouse; she is our “mouse” of the house, but her voice, although very quiet and soft-spoken, carries distances that none of the rest of us can maintain, because we aren’t Teela Hart.
This is just my way of trying to publicly blast her TRUTHS while she can’t defend herself and be all humble in her customary ways. She would probably never let this post through if she was editing, but she’s not so I’m running with it…
I love you, Tee. I’ve got your back; ALWAYS.
June 29, 2014 at 09:17
Oh, Teela…I’ll pray for your emotional healing, dear one. I hope you can overcome this obstacle and feel the light and joy you are so deserving of.
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July 17, 2014 at 23:54
Thank you Kim
I’m working on that obstacle as we speak.
❤
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June 29, 2014 at 05:21
I understand Teela saying that her story pales compared to yours. A cut throat is extreme! I thought my story was terrible till I read so many others than made me feel like my story was insignificant. Even though I suffered terribly and cried in silence many times, and felt dead inside for too long.
Thank you all the survivors for sharing your stories. Feeling that we are not alone is really powerful.
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July 17, 2014 at 23:58
Thank you for sharing yourself DotedOn.
I will never forget what I said to Americana and now that I’ve read her post I have some thinkin’ to do on that.
She has amazing strength and insight and I love her strength.
Tee
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June 28, 2014 at 14:32
Big hug……..to both of you ❤
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July 17, 2014 at 23:59
Thank you for the hug Ralph!
❤
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July 18, 2014 at 09:48
Have another one my friend ❤
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July 18, 2014 at 09:49
Hugs right back Ralph. ❤
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June 28, 2014 at 14:14
What a beautiful voice of friendship!
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July 18, 2014 at 00:00
I concur.
Thank you AI.
❤
Tee
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June 28, 2014 at 13:40
Reblogged this on The Cut-Throat Clubhouse and commented:
My Guest Post on Tee’s Blog
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June 28, 2014 at 11:27
Beautiful post Americana, always the right words for the right time! My thoughts and prayers for you Tee…be well. ❤
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July 18, 2014 at 00:02
Americana made an awesome post and I am forever grateful.
Thank you Sunshine.
I’ve missed y’all.
❤
Tee
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June 28, 2014 at 10:45
I’m here for you my friend. Lots of love. 🙂
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June 28, 2014 at 10:05
Thanks for stepping in. I was just thinking about Tee yesterday. Wondering where she has been – I miss posts sometimes due to life getting in the way, so I was not certain where she was and, yes, I was getting concerned. I have not known Tee long, but from what I have read and, most importantly, feel inside, I see her to be the loveliest of people – women – mom and friend.
You are a great friend to step in during her absence – those of us that miss our Tee appreciate this and we appreciate you:). Kimberly 😉
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June 28, 2014 at 10:01
Thank you for sharing this incredibly moving piece – and for the additional information you have given about Teela. I did suspect as much – but did not wish to ask out loud, as it were.
I just hope she comes back soon.
Hugs and love, Tee, if you are reading this.
Ali
xxx
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