Teela Hart

Surviving Domestic Violence

Doler Outer of Justice

34 Comments


Try as I might I cannot find it within my heart to write about any of the woes of my past, or stats related to domestic violence. The only thing I can do at this point is write about absolutely nothing of true value. I’m heavy and weary and desperately trying to break free from the hurts of the past. I desire to shed the skin of recurrent failure and put on a new suit. A suit of life, love and beauty. I could rant on about the sorry state of the world and the sorry state of all things deplorable, but I got nothin’.

So, I set out today to find inspiration for my writer’s block and nada. Although irritation did rear it’s ugly head when I got stuck in the rush hour hell and watched the traffic light change not once, not twice, but thrice before I realized that this numbskull had decided to give a ticket to some poor soul at a traffic light. He couldn’t just follow the man to a better destination. Oh, no, he had to do it right then and right there.

stupid cop

It just happened to be 90 degrees today, my A/C is broken, I had to piss like a champion race horse and I was holding my legs together tighter than Dick’s hat band.

hot as hell

Of course, the cussin’ started when no one would allow me to go over to the next lane to get around this foolish doler outer of justice.

middle_finger_flame-1

 

Finally, I very kind fellow sojourner allowed me to gain entrance in the lane beside me so I could get around this ridiculous debacle and I headed straight for the Sonic where I procured a large chocolate shake and took a much-needed piss.

milk shake

 

I decided at that point that I would go to the nearby park and sit under the shade tree (actually lay in the grass), suck down my chocolate shake with a vengeance and enjoy the view.(Of the sky)

grass

 

I took a pic of a pretty tree with pretty clouds and I felt better. πŸ˜‰

 

park

 

Did anything come to mind? Nope

Did my empty head think of anything great to write? Nope

Did I enjoy the peace and serenity of the beauty of nature? Yep

 

Advertisements

Author: Teela Hart

I am a mother, daughter, sister and domestic violence survivor.

34 thoughts on “Doler Outer of Justice

  1. Teela, being a lightworker does drain you if you don’t take time out for yourself…That’s why I sometimes take a day or two off from the blog. Remember to take care of yourself, take naps when you feel sleepy, go walking in nature and zone out on a park bench. Camp out on the couch a few hours. Do some meditations; get a pedicure…one thing I did for myself recently was visit an astrologist. It was one of the best things I’ve done for myself in a long time…

    By the way, love your post and the pics πŸ™‚

    Like

  2. Maybe you have begun to move away from focussing on surviving the trauma to focussing on your self. Moving from surviving to thriving. In between those two phases sometimes we just need to sit back for a while and rest, and be happy in ourselves that that is OK.

    Like

  3. HA!; the best inspiration is the one you don’t realise you have; but charting the journey to no where in particular finds it right at the bottom of your chocolate shake!; I like Philip Whalen’s idea of a ‘chart of consciousness’ to find what you are missing …

    Like

  4. I really liked this. We all have had those ” I need a chocolate shake NOW and I am going to sit in a park and inhale it” days. πŸ™‚

    Like

  5. You were present and made the most of the situation, what better is there? πŸ™‚

    Ali said it all ❀

    Like

  6. Those who’ve graduated from eighth grade hall monitor to traffic cop can never be expected to make sense, or to be considerate of others. 39 in a 35! Gotcha!

    Some folks never reach the point of saying “ENOUGH!”, and just spend the rest of their lives rolling back into the muck after having reached the edge of it. It’s on about the third lap that the nice people come and give you your Official Lifelong Victim Badge, which gets you priority seating for the Early Bird Special, there at the counter where the solo diners get to sit. That’s why they always put mirrors on the wall behind the counter. Those who sit there want to look only at themselves and what’s behind them.

    It’s important, I think, to spend some time being a survivor when that’s what you are. Then you’ve got to go a step further, and be done with it. At some point you have to come to view your place in the sun as your right as a living being and not something you’ve earned by enduring misfortune. That’s when you’re done. Kinda seems like you’re just about there, doesn’t it? πŸ™‚

    Like

  7. Not writing about the hell is okay T. I don’t feel like going there some days, sometimes weeks at a time. It’s okay too to let our minds take us where we need to be. ❀

    Like

  8. I love this! There is life after DV…a more authentic life. Thank you for showing it through your writing… “Writing through a writer’s block”… IngeniousπŸ’œ

    Like

  9. My feeling, Teela, is that your spirit needs a break. To using a birthing metaphor, you have laboured long and hard to bring this baby of global understanding and recognition to life, so that all can see and learn from it. But you are tired, aching in body and soul. I think you need to enjoy the physical immediacy of the outer world, whilst letting the inner heal from the hours/days/weeks/years of trauma. Sending love and hugs. Ali xxx

    Like

    • I want you to know that made me cry as I was reading your words. They ring so true to me. I am tired and I cannot heal by picking at the old wounds until they bleed over and over again.
      Thank you Ali,
      Love and Hugs
      Tee

      Like

  10. It seems like we spoke about this before. I’m sure we have and when I read this post, which is still writing BTW even if it is writing about not having anything to write about, I thought of that time before when we talked and then I thought, “Okay, here it is.” Like I remember seeing this moment where you would find yourself at an evolutionary crossroads. It can be difficult to try to overcome something by continuing to immerse yourself in it. I think the torch can be passed to someone who still has an ax to grind (and deservedly so), but you seem to have stepped out on the other side. I saw your cheesy ass smile and skipping about in a field of flowers and just being content to stay and smell the roses. Stay.and.smell.the.roses. Sorry my guide seemed to think it important to do that period after every word thingee right now. He thinks it makes it seem more important. He encourages you to move forward, as that is what a lot of your readers strive to do. It’s quite encouraging, if you ask me. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for advising me spiritually and I believe I am at that crossroad. I feel as though I have said all I have to say on the matter as far as personal experience with it and there is nothing left to say except more of the same.
      There is life after DV, we just have to find it and embrace it.
      You are a jewel and thank you for following your inner guide.
      ❀
      Teela

      Like

  11. Oh man, I hate those kinda days! It’s just like one big blah. Sorry. Writing does help though, I mean like even if you aren’t feeling inspired, writing, getting out the pen and paper (old school style) and just writing anything and everything does help. Also, I find any other creative outlet I have (for me, gardening, cooking, discovering new music) is also helpful for feeling a sense of accomplishment and getting rid of writers’ block. πŸ™‚

    Like

  12. This was quite wordy for someone with writers block. Good job being entertaining today!

    Like

  13. Looks like you managed to do a good job anyway…it’s funny how nothing is actually something, eh?

    Like

  14. An’ ya prolly got a brain freeze for yer trouble
    (just kidding!)
    Teela,
    I love this post.

    Like

Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s