Teela Hart

Surviving Domestic Violence


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Cops??? I Chucked It On My Mother…


Let me say here and now.  I am (almost never, most of the time, usually) always on my best behavior and I am without doubt a law breaking abiding citizen. (Sarcasm)

I don’t go around making trouble as I have some sort of drug paraphernalia on me at all times. (Sarcasm again)

I have the utmost respect for law enforcement on a good day. (Sarcasm, and it may not end here, unlike the paved street)

I haven’t been pulled by a cop in…well…since I was a wee teen.

I suppose the cop that pulled me today was quite intimidated by my gangster appearance.  (One can never be too careful you know).  After all, I had my posse with me (my 69 year old mother and my 15 year old daughter).  I guess I asked for it.

My favorite Cop

My favorite Cop

I was ticketed.  I took my punishment like a real ‘trooper’, clenched teeth, fake smile, accompanied by the famous Clint Eastwood, make my day, look and all.

I drove away, cussin’ like a sailor, but I’ve not said one ugly word in this post and I’m happy about that.

My destination was clearly mapped out in my mind.  I had to get my mother home to get her diabetic meds.  I know, I know, I shouldn’t have been in that drug run, but I couldn’t help myself it was a true error in judgement on my part.  I don’t know what I was thinkin’.

Of course, I drove right by an apparent drug deal and the officer did too.

I know, you know the movie.

Apparent Drug Deal

I continued on and low and behold, my favorite cop made a U-turn and a high speed chase ensued as he had snagged yet another crew of vicious criminals who were traveling East at about the speed limit.  (An older lady and a younger one).

Poor felons.

Poor felons.

Yes I did.  I turned around just so I could take another photo.  Of my favorite cop.

In the blink of an eye I had an epiphany.  It is the 30th.  He has to get that quota in and it’s blatantly obvious he’s gonna do it all in one day.  Yes, that had to be it, or, someone pissed in his cornflakes this afternoon.  Or, someone has to pay for the new Police Station.

By the way, I was ticketed for………..

Alright, if you insist, here’s the whole sordid story:

I was wearing my seat-belt mind you, it clicked when I put it on.  You know the saying “click-it or ticket”?  I clicked it.  I adjusted it, placed it underneath my arm (I don’t do turtle-necks or seat-belts choking me to death) and as a result I must pay a $150.00 fine.  My contribution will help pay for the new police station that was erected three blocks from my home.

New Cop hangout.  Notice newly paved street.

New Cop hangout. Notice newly paved street.  Grand opening was? You guessed it. Yesterday!

 

Oh, I almost forgot, the city was kind enough to re-pave the street just in front of the new station.  Not the entire pot-marked street, just that one portion.

The buck stopped here. My buck.

The buck stopped here.
My buck.

FYI:  The crime rate in the county in which I live, is the highest in the state.  60% of violent crimes are related to domestic violence.  I sure would love to know where this dedicated law enforcement officer was when my ex was trying to run me over, driving down the sidewalk on the very street I just got pulled on, just one mile from the police station. (Not sarcastic)

I would dare to say that, looking back, he made the right decision.  I’m a zit on the face of society and clearly, I must be eradicated.

Thank you favorite cop.  I’m in total awe of your hard work and dedication.

We simply cannot leave this post without the “Cops” video ’cause…………. I’m a bad girl.

I must admit, this whole post, with the exception of two lines (my bad, three lines), is, in all it’s glory.  Sarcastic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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A Resource For Men In An Abusive Relationship


Thank you Carrie.

Ladywithatruck's Blog

http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/men/

The above link is to a site dedicated to men in an abusive relationship. I know the focus here is usually on the women who are being abused, only because that is the majority of the people who come here but I certainly know that men are abused also.

I took a quick peekaboo at this site and it seems like an excellent resource for men, honest and realistic. It give a safety plan for leaving, what to expect when you leave and how to deal with your abuser.

Hugs to all the men out there dealing with a narcissistic woman, I hope this is helpful.

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The Funeral – Burying My Grief


Kim has been instrumental in helping me to “over” the issues I deal with each and every day. Please go by and pay her a visit. It will be well worth your time.
Thank you Kim. You are a light in the darkness.

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

Despair

This is a re-post of an article I wrote almost a year ago.  Because of its title, it doesn’t show up in most search queries related to Narcissism.  However, it’s a liturgy that has been highly effective for me, as well as several clients I’ve worked with.  I created it myself because I’d tried many other methods, including counseling, for grief and regret that didn’t help.  This rite helped me on a deep level, perhaps due to the symbolism involved. 

The road to recovery consists of trial and error.  What helps one person may or may not help another.  If you are experiencing deep levels of grief and/or regret as it relates to your having been a victim of emotional abuse, perhaps this article will be of help.  Namaste.

July 7, 2013 – 8:25 a.m. – Our past can affect us in many different ways, depending on our personality and the unique…

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This is a Fucking Rant! (Probably for my eyes only)


Please do not take this personally if you decide to read it at all.

It is not directed at any individual, but at a system of corruption and self-righteousness.

I am just me, looking through a rabbit hole skewed with nothing good and it’s painful and ugly.  No one wants to see the result of such a catastrophic set of events in a person’s life.  Especially that person, but it’s a necessary evil that I tend to need.  I have walked on eggshells forever.  This is a figurative smashing of those eggshells.

I really wanted to delete it and I probably should have.  But I cannot do that.

I’m not alone.  There are many survivors (of many different things) who feel this rage and they are not alone.  It’s important to me that those who do feel this way know that they are not alone.

Call it a lack of creativity in getting my point across.  Rebellion against holding my feelings in.  Call it whatever you like.

I mean no disrespect to any individual and that is where freedom of speech does come in as well as the freedom to choose not to read it.

I’m just being real here.

 

 

This is me.

Ranting to keep from exploding.

Although, I’m gonna fuckin hit the publish button of my own free will.

Un-coerced.  Un-censored.  Because if I don’t, I will fuckin explode.

 

It is however, directed at ANYONE who thinks they have all the answers, such as, but not limited to, Psychology, Physiology, Anatomy, or as I like to call ’em, distinguished members of the CTF, “the Card-Totin’ Fools”.  You are all being led around, like the most ignorant of all fucking animals.  Blind sheep-like sonsabitches tryin’ to lead the only fucking people that have the insight, wisdom and goddam experience necessary to walk this tight-rope we call fuckin’ survival.  I have two prized, golden, words for you.

FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone ever told your stupid-mother-fucking-idiotic-ass that it is possible to unscramble an egg?

They fuckin’ lied to you!   You cannot.  It is NOT possible.

This is the only way I know how to explain any of this shit to anybody, ever!  Ever!

As it is impossible to walk in someone’s shoes besides your fuckin’ own, get over your literate self and learn something from a veteran survivor of a constant war you know nothing of.  I am a SUR-VIV-OR!  (I decided to break that down for all the “schooled” mother-fuckers.)  Just in case.

I walked out of nursing school one day with all the wealth of knowledge available to me and I thought I knew it, ALL.  I learned real fuckin’ quick.  I DIDN’T.  I had to learn a little bit about the knowledge base I’d been given.  I learned it from the fuckin’ grunts.  I learned most of what I know from the grunts.  The VALUABLE, “nobodies” as you so eloquently put it.

Now let’s move on.  I hope all the idiots, in places they don’t fuckin’ deserve to be, got that shit.

WAR ZONE ENTRANCE: (Like there’s a fuckin’ sign other than bodies droppin’)

Fuckin’ CHAOS!  (I hope that paints the picture for ya)

Collateral damage is fuckin’ gynormous!  (Clearer now?)

Not only has the soldier been wounded, but also the nurse, the doctor, the medic, every-fuckin-body else is walking around with one limb and losing vital life’s blood caring for the most wounded, life-threatening injuries.  Arterial bleeds, eviscerations and avulsions (brains and guts hangin’ out).

Now first of all:  Maybe second, third, fourth and fifth of all.

I’m all about prevention.

Hell, let’s not have this fuckin’ war. (My arms are in the air and I got a real goddam sarcastic look on my face) because it’s

too late for some as the war’s been had and we’re all fucked, the only next logical step is…………?

Anyone care to make an oblivious guess?

 

It’s called DAMAGE-FUCKIN’-CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  TRIAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breakdown:

This wound gets a bandaid.

This wound gets surgery.

This wound gets dead.

 

I live every-fuckin’-day in?

You guessed it!

TRIAGE.

I’ve briefed you on all the information that I have.  You got it all now? Chaotic so far, right?

Now, live it, like my children and I did and and still do and then come back and tell me somethin’ valuable.

I’m done!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Breaking The Bond


I spent 19 years “hanging on every word” believing EVERY TIME he finally got it and I cannot tell you how good if feels to be on the other side of it.
Thank you Tela. This is a must read.
Get out and go on. Please go check out Tela’s site.  She is an insightful sister-survivor with a wealth of wisdom to offer.

SociopathHell.Com

………one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

How many times have you sat there thinking ‘if only’, ‘why did they, and ‘how can I’? Focusing on these questions, and several more gets you nowhere. How do you get to the point to where you can once and for all let go of all the deep feelings of love, wanting and needing? How to do you replace the constant thoughts about your ex?

The first and most important step is to recognize & accept, you are/were not involved with a person who is emotionally connected to LIFE as you know it. They are constantly on the outside looking in, without being able to connect with a conscience. With you accepting that your Sociopath will never, ever understand what their words and behaviour has done, is completely unacceptable.  No matter how much love, compassion, understanding , empathy, you have…

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Got A Sumbeero! No, A Sombrero


There’s just no other way to start this conversation than to first thank those who were there to support me through my long, thunder-filled night.  I appreciate the hell outta that.  I mean it!  You were my sunshine in the moonless night.  🙂

Today I set out to go straight to South of the Border.  I knew there’d be sunshine there; without doubt and Pedro.  I haven’t seen him in ages.  He hasn’t changed much, he’s had more than one facelift, his face looks frozen!

South of the Border

Don't he look plastic to you?  And a little blurry, could be the free beero.  Not.

Don’t he look plastic to you? And a little blurry, could be the free beero. Not.  I don’t get that ’til tomorrow!

 

But, not 'til tomorrow!

Jeez!

Of course the very first thing I did was pay Pedro a little visit, after finding out I wouldn’t get the free beer ’til tomorrow!

I decided to sit hat his feet.  Have a convo.  You know.

I decided to sit at his feet. Have a convo. You know.

Then I thought twice about that shit.  Never sit at a man's feet.  WTF was I thinkin'?

Then I thought twice about that shit. Never sit at a man’s feet. WTF was I thinkin’?

Besides. My next husband?

Let's face it.  There won't be a next husband.

Let’s face it. There won’t be a next husband.

 

 

My next stop was the pot, because I had to pee, from all the free beer, I had tomorrow.

free potI carefully approached, as well I should and much to my chagrin.

The first two stalls were pot free!

The first two stalls were pot free!

The third stall is where I found all the pot heads!

Pot heads. No mop heads. Too much beer from tomorrow!

Pot heads.
No mop heads.
Too much beer from tomorrow!

But there were plenty of sinks to piss in Lance.

Finally a sink to piss in!

Finally a sink to piss in!

For all the cheap assholes!

cheap assholesI just have to end this post.

I love y’all.

Thanks for droppin’ by.

Besides, I started this post yesterday and it is now tomorrow and it’s time for some………. Smirnoff.

I’m out.

I almost forgot.  I got a hand job!   My new Peace ring (Adjustable) In black and white to hide the wrinkles.

I almost forgot. I got a hand job!
My new Peace Mood ring (Adjustable)
In black and white to hide the wrinkles.

Adios Amigos.

I out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Who’ll Stop The Rain?


It’s been raining all day and will continue to do so all night along with thunder and lightning.

rain

In light of my most recent visitor, I guess I’ll hunker down with my military mace, blade and 12 gauge.  Oh, well.  Long night ahead.  :/

Thunderclap as I type.  :/

 

 


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I Can Smell The Bullshit From A Mile Away!


Another surprise visit from the ex asshole and I’m just not going to burden you with all the pissy details, but I’m kinda sick of all the shit he seems to FEEL that I’m fuckin’ buying.  He thinks he is so damn clever.  Newsflash………”you’re a dumbass.”

 

Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit

Bullshit
Bullshit
Bullshit

 

To quote R Lee Ermy (Full Metal Jacket)

My Dearest Ex:

“You will not speak until you are spoken to

And the first and last words outta your sewer mouth will be “Yes Mam”

You will not laugh

You will not cry

You will learn by the numbers

I will teach you”

Do not come back to my house and upset my children not even one more time and let me give you a tiny bit more advice, that you won’t take and will regret later, don’t play with dynamite, I’m liable to blow up in your face and that will hurt like motherfucker.

“You’re one bridge I’d like to burn, scatter the ashes, smash the urn, I’m through, with you……….”

I’m fuckin’ done!

So done!

Aarghhh!

 

 

 

 

 

 


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Everybody Get the F;%^k Back Down! *Warning: Offensive and Inapropriate*


I’ve seen things that I cannot un-see and I’ve done things that cannot undo.  I’m not going to throw that lemonade bullshit out there, but, I am gonna say that I’m just starting the hell over, from scratch.  I’ve discovered that I have a lotta gravel and tar in my personality.  Well, that’s not totally true, I’ve always had it, I just never let it out to play.  Today I’m weak and I’m gonna put it out there. Just remember, I’m under construction and you know how it is on a construction site.  A lot o’ saw dust, cussin, hollerin’, dirt piles, back hoes transits and the like.  There’s always a nail gun, a glue gun, extention chords and a whole slew o’ raw materials.

constructionI left home when I was 16, finished school, graduated from nursing school with honors, married, divorced, married and divorced.  I ignored most “closed road” signs.  Road Closed?  Not a problem, I’ll just skirt right on around that mother fucker and keep on gittin’ it.  This would be such an occasion for me, this particular post I mean.  My naughty side wants to come out and play and I’m sorry for all involved, but I’m gonna let her.

road closedLast summer I listened to a particular song over and over.  I didn’t pay any attention to the words, I liked the beat.  It made me wanna dance and dance I did, every time I heard it.  My children got a real kick out of it, mainly because I clueless to the words or  insinuations therein.  So, one fine day my daughter showed me the video of said song and I became, well, irate and more than a little irritated that I could no longer bop to the beet of this particular favorite of mine.  It was a true shock and awe moment when I realized my “hypocrisy knows no bounds.” (Doc Holiday)

As is true to me, I set out to make that shit right and stumbled looked for something to put this song to shame.  (As much as it breaks my heart.)  Without further ado, I present you with a masterpiece parody of this song.  It makes me feel better and I can most assuredly continue to dance with conviction now.

Men:  This may be offensive to you, but it’s funny as hell to me.  Just so you know, I wouldn’t say I’m a feminist, but I suppose that depends on one’s definition of feminist.  I use the word loosely.

😀

 

 

 


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the truth


who is it

does it matter

do you even care

well its your conscience

its all that shit you want to ignore

its all that hatred you have toward yourself

why

why

why do you hate yourself

what have you done to anyone

is it the lies

is it the hard decisions you made to make it easier on yourself when noone else did

is it the bullshit that you had to deal with and you blame yourself

is it the love you never got

is it the hell that rained on you like on sodom and gomorrah

is it the fact that you dont know what your doing

is it the fact that shit never works out right

are you here

dont you love

dont you do what you can for everyone

sure you can be selfish but doesnt that mean you love yourself at least a little

can you deal with that

does that little bit of love make you feel guilty

does the fact that you cant think of everyone else 110 percent of the time make you tear your own heart out and cry endlessly about how noone ever loves you enough

are you alive………

do you care?


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For The Sake Of All Humankind, Would Someone Get Shorty!


In the search for myself today I came across a most lovely silver lining to a somewhat shitty cloud of the past and here she be:

silver liningIn seeing this lovely lining I decided to head downtown to the local fountain and contemplate my journey through this somewhat rocky life.

contemplating 2Then I discovered that pigs actually do fly, as I watched them land right smack dab on the roof of the local exploration station and of course, I had an epiphany.

If pigs can fly, then surely I can fly.

Right?

Right!

Oh, I get it, you want proof, you’re not going to take my word for it huh?

Fine.

pigs flying 2So, I decided to head on down to the local airport that has all of two planes, nah, more like five or ten, but first I had to stop by and sing with Elvis (I saw a flyer advertising this once in a lifetime chance).  He was giving an awesome performance of Hunk O’ Burnin’ Love and of course I had to join in cause I’m hip like that.

What?

I gotta prove it again?

Okay.

Have it your way, cause “I did it my way.”

Obviously he had me “All shook up.”

hunk o burnin loveThis was our performance if you wanna check it out.

Burnin’ Love

Of course grandpa prefers Betty Boop, I mean let’s face it, we look an awful lot alike!  Check her out, I have blue eyes, and blonde hair and it’s obvious we’re twins.

betty boopAlright, let’s move on, but before I do, let me say here that both Betty and Elvis made their somewhat magical appearance at the bait and tackle shop which just so happened to be beside the “blessed sausage” shop.

Blessed sausage?

I’m not sure what that means but I’ll just stick to the heathen sausage myself.

bait and tackleblessed sausageOn to the important stuff. I drove strait to the itty bitty airport.

going to flyTook a look at a few airplanes.  None of which looked all that safe, but I looked nonetheless.

thinkin bout flyinThen I met Roger, who promised me it would be safe because he’s 72 and has been flying a long time.  My only doubt is that there is a possibility I could have a heart attack mid flight and then he’d have one because I had one and that would be as they say the “end of story Nard.” (“Firebase Gloria”)

This is Roger, he’s a sweetheart!

mr rogerAfter Mr. Roger (Ha), and I struck up a deal I decided it was time to end the journey for today, but not before stopping by the local BK for a rather large iced tea.  You know my journey would not have been complete without a little RobCo style to make me wince in pain and that’s when I met Shorty.  I wanted to get Shorty and ask him why?

Just why?

Here you have a look and maybe you can tell me why.

get shorty (3)Oh, well, I got a chuckle at this craziness and I still got my super large iced tea and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

iced teaHave a nice night y’all.

Cause, I’m out!  😉

hat shopping cover

 

 

 

 


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Doler Outer of Justice


Try as I might I cannot find it within my heart to write about any of the woes of my past, or stats related to domestic violence. The only thing I can do at this point is write about absolutely nothing of true value. I’m heavy and weary and desperately trying to break free from the hurts of the past. I desire to shed the skin of recurrent failure and put on a new suit. A suit of life, love and beauty. I could rant on about the sorry state of the world and the sorry state of all things deplorable, but I got nothin’.

So, I set out today to find inspiration for my writer’s block and nada. Although irritation did rear it’s ugly head when I got stuck in the rush hour hell and watched the traffic light change not once, not twice, but thrice before I realized that this numbskull had decided to give a ticket to some poor soul at a traffic light. He couldn’t just follow the man to a better destination. Oh, no, he had to do it right then and right there.

stupid cop

It just happened to be 90 degrees today, my A/C is broken, I had to piss like a champion race horse and I was holding my legs together tighter than Dick’s hat band.

hot as hell

Of course, the cussin’ started when no one would allow me to go over to the next lane to get around this foolish doler outer of justice.

middle_finger_flame-1

 

Finally, I very kind fellow sojourner allowed me to gain entrance in the lane beside me so I could get around this ridiculous debacle and I headed straight for the Sonic where I procured a large chocolate shake and took a much-needed piss.

milk shake

 

I decided at that point that I would go to the nearby park and sit under the shade tree (actually lay in the grass), suck down my chocolate shake with a vengeance and enjoy the view.(Of the sky)

grass

 

I took a pic of a pretty tree with pretty clouds and I felt better. 😉

 

park

 

Did anything come to mind? Nope

Did my empty head think of anything great to write? Nope

Did I enjoy the peace and serenity of the beauty of nature? Yep