Teela Hart

Surviving Domestic Violence

Alright Everyone! Its the Beginning of Missions of Happiness!

24 Comments


By Carey Hart

Sorry for being gone for so long I just got a new job and have been tired. Getting used to having to wake up at 5am compared to my usual of 12pm is a little difficult. Here is a thought for you all though.

Ok, so imagine you are out walking from one place to another in a big city. There are hundreds of people walking around besides yourself. Do you look them, ANY of them in the eye as you pass, or do you look down at the ground and try not to attract any attention? Now imagine someone walks up to you and randomly tells you they love you. Do you panic and speed up and walk away? Do you stop, startled and just look at them? Do you smile and tell them you love them back?

Do you realise that every decision you make and every reaction you have determines not only how you make someone else feel but how you feel about yourself as well? If you have been abused the way you react can wildly vary depending on what stage you are in, but let me challenge you all to do something that suprisingly WILL make you feel better about yourself regardless of what stage of grief or repair you are in. Next time you are going somewhere realise that there is a large percentage of people that are victims of abuse so use the fact that you have been through it to go out of your way and spot those people. Go up to them and tell them that you love them. Chances are once you get good at it and KNOW who is a victim they will be shocked and probably wont know what to say. Some of them may avoid you because they may be scared of the repercussions of their seemingly omnipresent abuser. One thing you can be certain of is they will remember you and they will start to question everything that that abuser is striving to program them to believe. “why would someone that doesnt even know me tell me they love me?” They WILL remember you, and that will be the beginning of the end of that dictators reign. YOU have just used manipulation in the best way possible.

Now heres another thing I would like you to try: think of the people that helped you out of your abusers grasp or anyone that just inspired you or helped you in a major way. Now choose one of them and write them a letter telling them how much you appreciate them. Make it serious and heartfelt I want you to get as close to tears as possible writing this letter. NOW I want you post that letter in the replies so we can all read it. Dont use their real name in the post but I want you to use their real names in your HANDWRITTEN letter. After I get 20 or so letters in the reply I will have a new mission for you.

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24 thoughts on “Alright Everyone! Its the Beginning of Missions of Happiness!

  1. ALRIGHT everyone! Thank you for your letters! I LOVE them! I am so sorry I am not able to show my appreciation by thanking each one of you personally but these 12+ hour days aren’t giving me a lot of sleep time but I’ll get better at it I PROMISE! So I have FOUR letters (although armyofangels’ post isnt showing up on my actual post (even though I could still read it through my recent activity)) and I cant wait to read the rest of them! Hurry up though, I have to give you all the next step in Mission 1, THEN……… Mission 2!! The idea is already set but we have to complete Mission 1 first!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Mom…
    I will never be able to express through mere human means, the love and gratitude I have for you and the strength and courage you saw in me when I saw NOTHING.
    I was an empty shell…but I knew that I could not raise my two little children in an environment of hate any longer.
    You told me that I needed to remember Joan of Arc, and how she stood her ground against those who hated what she stood for. You believed in me. You literally rescued me from the violence the day you hurried home from taking Dad to the doctor to drive the kids and I to a safer location. I couldn’t drive then. I could barely walk or change positions as I had been through back surgery just three days earlier. You helped protect the kids and gave them a sense of security while my body, mind, and spirit underwent its first transformation after escaping the cycle of violence.
    I only hope I can pay it forward over time. You didn’t have to do what you did…but you saw WORTH where I saw NONE.
    Love from your daughter💜💙AoA

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    GOOD OBSERVATION!!!!!

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  4. Pingback: A voice from the dark side of the moon | Avalanche of the soul

  5. Carey, you’re an inspiration. I’ve already written a post to my mother, whose unstinting support was a (literal) lifeline for me whilst I still felt trapped with my abuser.

    I’ve been writing to my child all of his life (okay, so he’s a toddler – not that long!) Anyway, I want to share with you an extract from one of my letters to him – written during one of my unsuccessful attempts to leave his abusive father. I chose this because it sums up the sense of hopeless wishing I felt at the time – wishing that my abuser would change, and not yet willing to accept that he never would. Believing that the problem was drugs rather than the fact my man was an abuser, period. Wanting my child to feel safe and loved, but frightened that that would never happen.

    Dear X

    I’m hoping things will work out with your Daddy soon. I know he loves you. We were spending a few days together and he was brilliant with you. Unfortunately, he then failed a drugs test (positive for cannabis and cocaine) so we couldn’t stay with him anymore.

    I have asked him again to get clean, and I will test him again in a few months. But for now, we can’t stay with him when he is doing that. He seems to have taken it to heart this time, and has sworn that you and I are the most important things in his life – more than drugs.

    He has good days and bad days, but I thought that he was getting better. He seemed very calm, though I know he is finding it hard, but he seems to be trying and I am doing all I can to help him. I took you to see him today at his work. I was sad that he didn’t really look at you. Luckily, you are too small now to really know.

    And tonight, he turned up at our house, staggering and drunk. You are my priority. Whatever I do, I will keep you safe.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. To my 3 sons:

    I’m not sure how much you remember from when we were still with ____, but if not for you, I’m not sure I would have been blessed with the discernment to leave.

    Andrew, I think you were affected the most. I know he is nice to you now, but he’s banking on the fact that you don’t (or won’t) remember how he teased and manipulated you. You had to go to counseling because of the things he and his sister did. You hated being forced to call him “Daddy”, but he made you do it at every opportunity. When you were younger, they made you feel so dirty, that you were afraid of germs so that you washed your hands until they bled and wouldn’t even swallow your own saliva. I hated them for that.

    Michael, you don’t seem to remember a lot, although you are the oldest. You never talk about it. I think “he” had you fooled, or maybe you’re just too forgiving to have wanted to see what he was doing to us. I’m sure you remember all the screaming, and my crying, and the times he called the police on me for no reason other than to intimidate and control me. I’m sorry you were standing beside me when he told me he wanted me to die as I held your infant brother in my arms. I’m sorry you had to witness all the craziness and instability.

    Adam, you will probably never know. You were just a baby, and he is your father. He will try to erase the past and the fact that he abandoned you twice. Once when you were just one, and again when you were three. I won’t say anything to you, because it wouldn’t benefit you to do so.

    To all of you…I’m sorry for the time we had to go to a hotel in the middle of the night in the snow, with school the next day, because he refused to help us when I notified him we could be in possible danger because I’d called the police on the drug dealers next door. He was gone then because he’d disappeared during one of his Silent Treatments. He told me to handle it myself. And I did. I always did. That night was the final straw. I knew if I didn’t’ get you guys out of that sick, twisted, toxic environment, that you would grow up with serious emotional issues that you might never recover from.

    So, thank you…because if not for you, I’m not sure I would have been blessed with the discernment to leave.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Great advice, Carey – and a wonderfully poignant letter, Teeta. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dear Mom,
    The night that I escaped from *Jon* the first time you welcomed me with open arms. During the time when I had no use of my hand and arm you helped me get dressed and at Christmas you cut the wrapping paper for my children’s gifts. You opened all the bottles and you cooked for me. You cared for me in ways no one else would. You didn’t judge me, you didn’t criticize me or even *Jon*. You silently stood by my side, you put your arms around me and told me you loved me. You listened quietly as I ranted and raved out of fear and anger from the heartache when I didn’t have my children with me. You were helpless as you looked on at the misery of my life played out in my tears. You never told me that I should have done this or that differently nor did you blame me for failing. You saw my pain and didn’t run the other way. You went to court and watched as the lawyer tore me to bits, finishing me off. I cannot imagine what I would have done if I’d had to see that happen to my daughter or son. It must have been heart wrenching for you. You didn’t turn your back on me when I attempted to end my own life. You were patient, loving and kind. .
    The second time I left you came to stay with me and took care of me. You were mine and the kids cheering section. You tirelessly encouraged me and assured me I could do it. The day I lost my house, you were quick to provide the kids and I a place to stay. You returned to court only this time you watched as I, one woman, with no lawyer, ripped his story to shreds. You comforted my youngest son after the horrendous task of testifying against his father. You were there all along whispering in my ear and telling me I could do it.
    You listened when no one else would. You believed when no one else did. You were my rock; my saving grace. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I love you Mom. To this day when I grow weary and discouraged, you tell me that I am doing an awesome job. You seek to build me up and not tear me down. I am forever grateful for you Mom. I couldn’t have done it without you. I hope you know that. I hope you know that I know the enormous strength you showed in the dilemma that was my life. To this day, you continue to show me your love and strength by encouraging me. I love you Mom.
    T

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Thank you for never asking me what I would never tell, and for knowing it, anyway. Thank you for always picking up the phone. I wish I could have told you that I was free, when I left. You offered your home to me, countless times, and it was your daughter who followed through on it when you were gone. The children know your name, I made sure of that. I never had a wiser or better friend. The goodness in you has manifested well in your descendants, through two generations, and been proven in how they have helped me. We all cherish you. Even in your absence, you are the glue binding us all together.

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  10. I have nominated you for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award. Perhaps it will help you gain even more readers and to spread your blog’s message. Details are in my blog, “CookieCakes, Sunshine and Sisterhood, Oh My!” (http://cordeliasmomstill.com/2014/04/20/cookiecakes-sunshine-and-sisterhood-oh-my/)

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  11. Woah so deep and inspirational luv it.

    Liked by 1 person

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