Teela Hart

Surviving Domestic Violence

Trigger Warning

36 Comments


 

 

Does it bother you?

Do you think if you ignore it, it’ll go away?

Do you think abuse is the victim’s fault?

It happens to 1 out of 4 women every day and 1 out of every 6 men are abused daily.

Does that bother you?

It’s probably happening to someone you know right this second.

Does that bother you?

It that is the case, are you complicit by “walking on by” and minding your own business.

That bothers me.

If indeed you walk on by and mind your own business, do you think it’s the victim’s fault?

That bothers me.

Would you rather I not post such graphic content while you watch mindless TV/ Motion Pictures of a disturbingly graphic nature?

That fuckin’ bothers me.

Would you like to know who else it bothers?  EVERY LAST VICTIM ON EARTH WHO GETS TO SEE IT FIRST HAND.

 

 

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Author: Teela Hart

I am a mother, daughter, sister and domestic violence survivor.

36 thoughts on “Trigger Warning

  1. I got angry watching the video and the first thing I thought was that guy has a serious mental problem. And she should report him. For one thing, when a man puts his hand on a woman for ANY reason, he should not be allow to have his freedom. Secondly, many women think they can handle an out of control man by equating him with a young child. It is never the case. It is time to leave because that man can not be reached. I think that nice, soft, women look and recognize strength in men when they are open for a connection. Unfortunately, some of us men are broken to the point that help is needed. By not dealing with the problem as it comes in to view, you send a message to that someone you are not aware that exist. However, again, by recognizing a problem exist that you are unable to deal with, you still have time to back out of the hopeful connection while everything appears to be okay. Then, you have prevented something that possibly could have been abuse. Now,on the other hand, I don’t think it is healthy for women to view men as broken in general. As we all are not perfect and need support by a significant other. Learning to deal with problem that arises in our everyday lives is part of the deal as an adult. But, abuse physically or mentally I can not respect. And by you taking up this issue the way you have and keeping it as a “Required Concern” is admirable. I wish you continue success just by making this a topic of concern. As a single guy, who has lived longer without a mate than I have with one, I am more sensitize to this concern even though I forgot that people remain in abusive relationships for many reason. Abuse in relationships appears suddenly as I remember. So, keep up the good work, Teela.

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. There are so many facets to DV and NO easy answers. I learn more every day about this ugly truth and having escaped by abuser only a year ago after 19 years I feel it is my responsibility to speak out and not allow those years to go to waste. You are correct in saying that we believe our love for the abuser will help or change him/her, but that is never the case. Abuse is about control, not anger.
      Thank you again for your support. It means a lot to me.

      Like

  2. I think some don’t watch or intentionally look away so they DON’T have to acknowledge or intervene. A way they can tell themselves it doesn’t *really* happen. Accepting it happens means that if it does happen, it can happen to an acquaintance, a coworker, a friend, a relative… them.

    Some I think truly don’t realize it us a problem, because they would never think to treat someone so brutally. It’s hard to wrap your head around the fact that someone can be SK verbally or physically violent to someone they love. It doesn’t reconcile.

    Some know and just really don’t care as long as it happens out of their sight. But they will talk about it and make all kinds of suppositions as to what she did to deserve it. Making comments about the proper place to take or give a beating. People like this do things like watching my ex try to immobilize me with one arm and leveraging a grapefruit sized rock in the other hand as he tried to hit me in the back of the head… and just watch and only disperse when they see I saw them there watching.

    It doesn’t matter whether or not you look at the elephant sitting in the living room. It still crapped on your new sofa. And it needs to be cleaned up.

    Thank you for posting the video. Someone needs to pick up the shovel.

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    • We just have to keep plugging away at it until someone does pick up the shovel.
      DV is getting press and recognition, but it takes the real people to make change.
      Thank you for commenting. I get something great out of every one. You truly are a great friend and I love you.

      Like

  3. That was strong but important to be seen.

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  4. Teela I meant to say earlier I fully support your fight against abusers and hope you continue strongly in this fight.

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  5. A difficult – but necessary – watch here. This stuff may make people feel uncomfortable, because it forces them out of the bubble where they pretend domestic abuse has nothing to do with them. But we all need to understand that it has everything to do with us – each and every one of us! A great post (again!)

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    • Thanks Triple S. It is really important to me that I receive all the support you and our other sistas and brothas give.
      I appreciate you and your support.
      Hugs

      Like

  6. Your words are just as powerful at the video! THANK YOU Teela for being the ‘voice’ for so many!!

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    • Sometimes it just gets to me you know?
      Thank you for the support. I need it, feeling a little pissy today, in case you hadn’t noticed…..lol
      Love ya sister survivor!!!

      Like

  7. Very hard to watch, Teela, and even harder to feel in reality. Thank you for sharing this. It should be seen by EVERYONE. xxx

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  8. It bothers me too, greatly. In relation to this subject, I posted the picture/poem and devotional in this post ( http://21shadesofblue.com/2014/04/01/streams-in-the-desert-april-1/ ) from today, on facebook in separate posts, and the friend I mentioned to you yesterday who I helped get away from her violent ex, who is getting married in two months to a good guy and friend, shared a comment on the devotional on facebook, I think because of the connectedness between the poem and devotional, reminded her of how protective I had been of her. She and I don’t talk often anymore, we used to have feelings for each other, and she held onto her’s longer than I did, and I think it makes her fiance jealous when we talk, and I think she gets that too, thus our both barely talking these days. I really think it made a difference to her, reading into the context of her comment, I kind of got the feeling that she wanted to express that God used me to help her through a difficult time in her life.

    My point is though, I see how she lives now, and how she was living then, and how she and I were best friends at that time and how I had a lot of influence on her. Stepping up for abuse victims, and protecting them, does more than just protect them, it effects how they think, helps them see they are worthy of protection, and that they have value and dignity that someone actually views as something defend for them. I had a lot of long talks with her, and she basically had Stockholm Syndrome, and didn’t want to be helped. I was very insistent though, and it helped. She was letting herself be used by all kinds of guys, and when a guy would try to ask her out, after she had confided in me that she didn’t want a relationship with anyone, that her heart was too broken, I had talks with a couple guys, and put an end to their pestering her. My friend and her now fiancee at one point seemed to really be pursuing her during that time, and kept wanting to talk to her privately, and I had a talk with him about it.

    I’m normally a very shy guy in person, and not very confrontational, but when a woman needs protecting, it’s like the lone wolf becomes the Alpha wolf, and awkwardness and shyness gets forgotten and I act instinctually to protect… I don’t understand how someone like me who is introverted in person puts social awkwardness on the back burner to defend a victim, yet so many people who are so much more socially gifted than me, will often ignore abuse, I guess out of feeling it’s too awkward to get involved in the victim’s life, or not wanting to risk getting hurt themselves…. I don’t like people in general because of this kind of thing sometimes, it is very frustrating. I wrote a poem about what it’s like for me, for the woman I love last October via http://21shadesofblue.com/2013/10/10/new-poem-out-foxing-scientists-of-rockets/ if you are bored and curious 🙂

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    • I am never bored when someone spills their heart out to me. I appreciate every word. I sense your strength and your care for others and it is a commendable thing. Worthy to be celebrated. I believe for some it’s instinctual to want to defend someone who is being mistreated and I see that as an honorable thing in you.
      I will check out your link because I want to, not because I’m bored.
      Thank you again for feeling safe and free to share your story with me.
      —Tee

      Like

  9. I totally agree but remember its not just women it happens to. My ex abused me regularly knowing I wouldn’t hit back because its not right for a man to hit a woman. I would have been to embarrassed to call the police, this wee woman beating a guy who is near 6ft tall and weighs 20 stone (280lbs) so all of what you say is against any abuser not just men.

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  10. Yes. Difficult to watch.
    But NEEDS to be SEEN
    Thank you Teela.

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  11. Gripping way to put the word out. Very nice. Shake people up off the couch right. Good stuff.

    Like

  12. Powerful video and words, Teela. Truth. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. That was powerful and difficult to watch. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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