Teela Hart

Surviving Domestic Violence


5 Comments

I am Fine


Expecting too much?
Read Tela Hill’s words and take them to heart.

SociopathHell.Com

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Can you relate to all these adjectives and verbs? Has your Sociopath made you feel never good enough? Empty, Defeated and so on? How do they do it?

As with most everything we do in life, it is all because of hard work and dedication. You work hard for good grades in school. You work hard and show dedication in your career and you are promoted, or get that raise. You work hard to buy your home, or new car. You work hard raising and providing for your family. With a sociopath you are constantly working hard at the relationship, with very little pay-off. While your pouring your heart and soul into the relationship, they are sucking the life out of you. While you are opening yourself up to their love and affection, they are completely emotionally detached. Some are living dual lives, other’s just have an agenda which includes having as…

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25 Comments

A True Hero


You gave yourself

Of time and more

To offer another

A gift of worth

Oh how I melt

Beneath your words

Some may never

Ever know

The heart that beats

Within your chest

Pulses above all the rest

Yet I know

And gladly so

That you are

A true hero

For those who’ve given more than they had to.  You’re the heroes. 

 

 

 

 


22 Comments

To Be Held


I want

I desire

To be held

Safe from the fire

That burns inside

An eternal flame

Extinguished by

Your loving hold

Your tender touch

Our hearts

Will beat

Together in time

As we realize

It is our time

To meld together

Unspoken words

Will shout aloud

To all the world

We will know

That you and I

Meant to be

Embraced in one

Another’s arms

Releasing all

Our hearts warmed

That day will come

For you and I

Until that day

You’re in my mind

 

 

 

 


22 Comments

Onslaught *Heavy Triggers*


I cannot force anyone to understand domestic violence if they have never experienced it. However, I can most assuredly give a sneak peek into the life of a DV victim/survivor and hope that someone will open their mouths or quite simply click the share button. To remain silent is to be complicit in this crime.  I’m just sayin’.  One more thing.  I lived for  nineteen years in domestic violence, I escaped, and I had to watch and think on these things as I made this post.  Remember that.

 

Now take a deep breath and move on to the next one.

 

Take your time, clear you head and keep watching.

 

Enraging isn’t it?

 

As painful as it is to watch this tragedy multiply that by infinity and you’ll begin to understand how painful it is to live it.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please visit http://www.nomore.org for a list of domestic violence centers specific to your location. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you feel you are in immediate danger contact your local law enforcement by calling in the U.S. 911


34 Comments

Don’t Piss in My Cornflakes and Call It Sugar *Mature*


If you don’t care to read REALLY ugly words then maybe you should skip this one.

It has come to my attention of late that the obligatory, cold-blooded, monster that once ruled my life is now preying on my children. My gut was not wrong, he did have something up his slimy sleeve and I am incensed. Trust me when I say that it could get ugly in here as I am about to address this blood sucking asshole in this post and then I’m going to deliver the same to his wretched fucking face.

Dear Asshole

YOU have no fucking right to call MY children and try to make THEM feel sorry for YOU!

YOU hit your own daughter with your fucking broke down piece of shit truck with MY son in the passenger seat.

YOU left behind a god-damned mess for ME to clean up.

YOU do not give a shit about their well-being.

Do not ever call me again to express your concern for the daughter that YOU tried to destroy with your abuse, grandiose religious ideations and your self-predicated need to be right when you are nothing but fucking WRONG. They are not going to move in with you EVER. I do “get” that you, in your own depraved mind, believe that I am far from an adequate parent but why don’t you just face the shivering fact that the amount of fucks I give in regard to you is NONE.

DO NOT EVER drop by with your fucking clueless brother to offer your counterfeit concern.

Note to that brother of yours:

I called you on so many occasions asking for help and if I recall correctly you said, “Oh you know how *Jon* is, he would never hurt you or the children.” After he paralyzed my arm, smashed my head into the windshield, threw me to the ground, wrapped his fingers around my neck and choked me to unconsciousness while MY children watched. Shall I say here that you are without doubt full of more shit than your brother. Wasn’t it YOU who said, “make sure you investigate the story the kids told you about the truck incident, I find it hard to believe” when you called to “check in” on me? Well, dear ass-in-law, your niece cries herself to sleep at night over that fucking truck incident not to mention the two incidents prior to that when I in all my 110 pound glory had to punch your hick ass brother in the face to get him off her. She also, thanks to YA’LLS POSITION on the matter, feels guilty for no FUCKING reason, hence the lack of communications with all o’ ya’ll. My children had to listen to you all slaughter me at Christmas. Did you take into account their feelings then? I think the fuck not. Don’t push your luck with me, you will walk away holding your ass in your hand, I shit you not. On second thought, please do bring that whole fucked up clan of yours and don my doorstep at your own fucking risk because none, neigh not one of you will leave with your fragile egos intact. That’s not a threat, it is by god, a promise.

Now back to you Fuck head:

Your daughter is in a shit storm that only a soulless individual like yourself would use to gain yet another foothold on her distressed emotions. You’re not here, thank the gods, and you never will be here so let’s thank them again and here’s a newsflash just for you. She will never be THERE either and I do venture to say thank the gods for a THIRD time. You can take all of your severely challenged sense of save the fucking day and save your fucking self because I’m not the woman you once knew, and I’m fully prepared to fight like a tied Fiest fucks over my children and here’s a another fucking clue just for you. You’ll fucking lose!

Fuck You!


17 Comments

This Hurts


I’ve been free from domestic violence for sixteen months and these words continue to elicit an undeniable visceral response upon hearing them.  The regurgitation of such verbiage is in fact a tool used by all abusers to keep their victims in a perpetual state of confusion and fear.

Reading the stories of so many victims/survivors of domestic violence and finding that they all resonate with me in so many ways is disturbing.  More importantly though, they loose me from the ties that bind as the script that somehow landed in every abuser’s hands is just that, a script, devoid of any real meaning.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please visit http://www.nomore.org for a list of domestic violence centers specific to your location. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you feel you are in immediate danger contact your local law enforcement by calling in the U.S. 911

 

 

 


19 Comments

Running In the Shadows


I need a little boost to get over the rest of the hump and this is it.  I hope ya’ll watch the video, Stevie’s performance is, for a lack of a better term, killer.

“Gold Dust Woman” was my kind of symbolic look at somebody going through a bad relationship, doing a lot of drugs, and trying to make it.  Trying to live.  Trying to get through it”  Stevie Nicks  (VH1 interview)

I’ve been there and done that and I take this song by an awesome recording artist/performer/poet as a peek into my own life, after all, I’m “somebody.”

 

Take it away Stevie……….

 


81 Comments

No More Beatin’ Around the Bush


I hate making confessions; they are painful, ugly truths I’d rather not share with anyone, much less the world. I seem to have no recourse in the matter at all so, I’m gonna spill the beans if you will. I’ll do my best not to beat around the bush and get to the point.

The bare-naked truth is that when I’m left alone with my thoughts they wonder into places the hadn’t ought to go. I don’t hate *Jon* every day all day. I remember the tender moments, the laughs, the fun, and the over the moon intimacy we shared early on. These emotions are intensified when he calls at all hours of the night pleading for my forgiveness and I’m hovering at the brink of loneliness myself.  I know that makes me sound like I’m one brick shy of a load after all the things that I’ve already shared and maybe I am, but I also know that I’m flesh and blood with a heart that pumps syrup through my veins.

What saddens me the most is that I can’t pull the good parts that belonged to *Jon* out of the air and keep them with me and let the ugly parts float away.  The sad fact is that I had to take my heart and run.

I thank all that is good that these seemingly never ending moments of deluded memories are trumped by visions of the undeniable truth that he is a broken man that neither I nor anyone else can fix. His capacity for carrying goodness is tainted and there is no point of return to reference.

Because of the battle that takes place in my mind, I have to force myself to search out and see the brokenness of my children and the unwarranted guilt that they carry over the events that led to our final run for freedom. I have no choice but to counter that longing for his carefully constructed illusion with the lies, the condescension, the cruelty, the hate, the battering and the never-ending pain that resulted from it. Of all of the things that I have to remember and relent to, I have to remember and relent to that.

 

Whatever you do, wherever you are, whatever you think, when the longing for that illusion of love creeps in I hope you join me and choose to “Remember That.”

Side note:

Some folks think it’s unrealistic to strive to maintain my sense that good lives in everyone, that the road paved with a healthy amount of cynicism is the safest road to take.  Is there such a thing as a healthy amount of cynicism? Anyway, I have not one scintilla of a desire to be cold, hard and overwhelmingly disparaging, but I’m finding that to be a difficult task and if one such healthy balance does exist I hope I find it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


24 Comments

Alright Everyone! Its the Beginning of Missions of Happiness!


By Carey Hart

Sorry for being gone for so long I just got a new job and have been tired. Getting used to having to wake up at 5am compared to my usual of 12pm is a little difficult. Here is a thought for you all though.

Ok, so imagine you are out walking from one place to another in a big city. There are hundreds of people walking around besides yourself. Do you look them, ANY of them in the eye as you pass, or do you look down at the ground and try not to attract any attention? Now imagine someone walks up to you and randomly tells you they love you. Do you panic and speed up and walk away? Do you stop, startled and just look at them? Do you smile and tell them you love them back?

Do you realise that every decision you make and every reaction you have determines not only how you make someone else feel but how you feel about yourself as well? If you have been abused the way you react can wildly vary depending on what stage you are in, but let me challenge you all to do something that suprisingly WILL make you feel better about yourself regardless of what stage of grief or repair you are in. Next time you are going somewhere realise that there is a large percentage of people that are victims of abuse so use the fact that you have been through it to go out of your way and spot those people. Go up to them and tell them that you love them. Chances are once you get good at it and KNOW who is a victim they will be shocked and probably wont know what to say. Some of them may avoid you because they may be scared of the repercussions of their seemingly omnipresent abuser. One thing you can be certain of is they will remember you and they will start to question everything that that abuser is striving to program them to believe. “why would someone that doesnt even know me tell me they love me?” They WILL remember you, and that will be the beginning of the end of that dictators reign. YOU have just used manipulation in the best way possible.

Now heres another thing I would like you to try: think of the people that helped you out of your abusers grasp or anyone that just inspired you or helped you in a major way. Now choose one of them and write them a letter telling them how much you appreciate them. Make it serious and heartfelt I want you to get as close to tears as possible writing this letter. NOW I want you post that letter in the replies so we can all read it. Dont use their real name in the post but I want you to use their real names in your HANDWRITTEN letter. After I get 20 or so letters in the reply I will have a new mission for you.


14 Comments

You and I


You and I

You and I

 

You made an empty promise

You made it very clear

You said I was your princess

You said you’d never leave

I wrapped my arms around your legs

I shot up to the sky

I trusted everything you said

I never asked for lies

You didn’t seem to care that day

You screamed into my face

You turned those hurtful words

You knew they had no place

I gave you all my loyalty

I gave you one more chance

I gave you all you asked of me

I gave you my embrace

You struck my heart, my soul, my mind

You brought me to my knees

You lied again; I’d simply sigh

You blamed it all on me

I sank into my own abyss

I had nowhere to turn

I must have been at fault for this

I deserved that hateful burn

You’ll be sorry that fateful day

You see my back and not my face

You will know too late to say

You will see me walk away

I don’t need your empty promise

I don’t want your warm embrace

I’ve never been your princess and

I hate your lying ways

You can take your filthy guilt

You can find another trip

You can hurt somebody else

You were meant for nothing less

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


2 Comments

Say No More to Sexual Assault


Please feel free to reblog, retweet, FB or all three.

There is only one way to break the silence and bring this ever growing nightmare to the forefront of the minds of others and that is to SPEAK out in the capacity that we can.

 

Say No More

Say No More


33 Comments

The Jaws of Life


I’ve learned a lot over the years but the one thing I’ve learned to do the best is keep a stiff upper lip. Allowing the intense rawness that I feel deep down inside, any space at all to run freely terrifies me to the point of freezing up like an old, rusty, hinge but I understand that it’s a necessary evil of sorts. Honestly, it would take nothing less than the Jaws of Life to free the stemmed tide and I have, on occasion, run across such a brash tool and denied it’s entry for the sole purpose of self-preservation which in the end leads to destruction.

The Jaws of Life is a tremendously loud, hydraulic tool designed to prevent loss of life in crushing motor vehicle accidents although that’s not it’s only use.

Jaws of Life

The consequences of all of my missteps rest not only on myself but also on the lives of those I endeavor to protect, so taking the blame seems to be the natural progression, and it should be. The problem with that is that I’ve been conditioned since childhood to slink back believing that I am the one who doesn’t measure up, for one reason or another, even when it is crystal ball clear that the problem wasn’t always due to my lack of adequacy but to their inability to accept themselves. On many occasions as a child, I felt that if I’d done this or that that things would have been different, that I’d be loved, that I’d be accepted and validated in the discovery of me. Rarely did that ever happen catapulting me into a metamorphosis so to speak and dividing me into tiny little pieces making it nearly impossible to detect the abandoned child crouching in the empty corner of my heart.  This plays a significant role in skewing my reality which in turn makes it nearly impossible to rightly judge my steps.

Child's Cry

I’d like to defer for a moment to the thoughts that I previously shared in “Chalk Outline” concerning my death and resurrection and say that I was wrong about that. The plain and simple truth is that I’ve never discovered me because at each and every turn in an attempt to do so, that hurt little girl jumped back to her assigned corner headlong. She’s never held firm in her demand for respect and the right to be who she longs to become.

I have jumped aboard a runaway train bound for nowhere good should I choose to continue to live in the throes of the anger that keeps me in denial.  This unworthily trusted reaction to childhood brokenness has more than sufficed as a protection against the hurt that now balks at the thought of remaining under the gun that had always kept it in check.

It’s time to call that hurt little girl out, hug her, tell her I love her and that it isn’t her fault.  Convincing her of that may be years in the making but I know that one day she will forgive me for abandoning her to her own devices.

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Within the walls

Of hurt and pain

I hid behind

A masquerade

I will give my love to you

My heart and soul to you

Forever you’ll be mine

I’ll put my hand in yours

All that I am is yours

Until the end of time

Although some of them may never know who they are, I find it necessary to thank those who wielded the Jaws of Life against the crushing, metal, armor that trapped my little girl inside for so many years.  Truly, you are my heroes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


1 Comment

Almost Forgot……


Say No More

Tap on the poster and go right to the link or reblog, retweet, FB or all three.  🙂

There is only one way to break the silence and bring this ever growing nightmare to the forefront of the minds of others and that is to SPEAK out in the capacity that we can.

 

 

 

Shauney Award


12 Comments

“Life is Moments”


I was graciously nominated for the “I am a part of the WordPress Family Award” by Shaun Gibson who struggles with two painfully debilitating medical conditions known as Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Syndrome.  My words fall short of adequate in describing his walk as a survivor so I would like to include his words instead.

“Life is moments and we ride the bad ones knowing good ones will come again, and by doing so it helps us get through bad moments. I believe in moments, I cherish them.”—Shaun Gibson.

Thank you Shaun for helping us to further embrace and solidify the importance of the tangible sense of family so many of us have experienced here at WordPress.

Please go by Shaun’s place and give him a warm thank you for making this award just for us.

 

“This is an award for everyone who is part of the “Word Press Family” I started this award on the basis that the Word Press Family has taken me in and showed me love and a caring side only Word Press can.

The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here. I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before.

This represents “Family” we never meet, but are there for us as family. It is my honor to start this award. Thank you”—Shaun Gibson.

Choosing nominees for an award is always very difficult for me because there are so many here who have supported, strengthened and encouraged me.  The number of people who have re-tweeted, ‘Facebooked’, and re-blogged my posts in an effort to bring an end to the silence of domestic violence are countless and I want you to know that I’m grateful for each one of you.

My nominees are as follows:

http://armyofangels2013.wordpress.com/

http://sweetmarie9619.wordpress.com/

http://21shadesofblue.com/

http://sociopathlife.com/

http://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/

http://jenniferann1970.wordpress.com/

http://jeremymayo.wordpress.com/

http://alienorajt.wordpress.com/

http://letmereach.com/

http://inconsistentlyyours.wordpress.com/

http://wonderfulshantelle.wordpress.com/

 

I would also like to add that I’ve experienced a few glitches on my site and I am having a difficult time locating other awards for which I was nominated.  :/

If you have nominated me for an award and I have not responded, please shoot me an e-mail and I will take care of it as soon as I can.   🙂


9 Comments

Say No More


April is No more to sexual assault month.  Please feel free to reblog, retweet, FB or all three.

There is only one way to break the silence and bring this ever growing nightmare to the forefront of the minds of others and that is to SPEAK out in the capacity that we can.

Say No More

Say No More