Teela Hart

Surviving Domestic Violence

Warning: Bad F’n Language. Inappropriate for Young Readers

68 Comments


WARNING:  Under age 17 should not read.

I want to say here that I know this is a completely inappropriate post as far as some may be concerned.  I will understand if you decide not to read it.  It’s harsh, and crude and completely unladylike.  I cannot help the way I feel.  Anger seeps from my heart and out through my pen uncontrollably, but I believe God already knows how I feel.  I know that He knows that these very words whirl around in my mind on a regular basis.  I cannot and will not deny it’s access to the ink that has been provided.  Not today.

Why?

Because inside the fury is destroying my mind, body and soul.  I started this blog to cleanse the inner recesses of my mind.  I started writing because I wanted to end the silence.  Gone are the days of self-control to the denial of my healing.  Counter productive?  Maybe.  I need to ‘get better’.  This post may help, then again it may not.

F bombs and GD’s located in various  most sentences.

If you are sensitive to ugly words then I ask that you not read.  I respect that.  Many of you have moved past this, I have yet to do so. Many are gentle souls, I respect that.

I suppose one could sum up the following letter to *Jon* (rant) as —I’m extremely pissed.

Dear *Jon*

I’m busted, fuckin’ shattered into a million pieces. You’re a cold-hearted, lying motherfucker who needs to be put in his place. I don’t give a shit about you or your ridiculous life. You move across the waters of life like a goddamn angel but I know better. Suffice it to say I personally believe you’re the fuckin’ devil himself.

I have not one good, clean or pure thing to say about you today or any other fuckin’ day. You can’t put one foot in front of the other without tripping over your dick and landing smack dab in the fuckin’ middle of my reality.

You are a deplorable, despicable, self-serving, dumb ass. Your idiotic words and actions automatically trigger my gag reflex and I regurgitate this sewer sludge in mass fuckin’ quantities.  Your putrefied bullshit sticks in my throat and not one fuckin’ thing can wash it away. You lit the wick that burns a fuckin’ eternal flame of anger.

Give it time?

Fuck time.

I’m fuckin’ running out of time.

What the fuck do you have to say for yourself?

Nothing?

That’s what I fuckin’ figured.

P fuckin’ S: I’ll forgive your stupefied, non-ass on my terms, but for now, I’ll feel all the anger I please. Anger beats the hell outta fear. Fuck fear. Fuck you.

Just imagine exclamation points ever fuckin’ where.

Please pardon my french.

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Author: Teela Hart

I am a mother, daughter, sister and domestic violence survivor.

68 thoughts on “Warning: Bad F’n Language. Inappropriate for Young Readers

  1. “FUCK that…!” Violet wanders thru the room Giggling…. 😀 😉 ❤

    Like

  2. Twice today i was reminded of something- the first time was by you….

    “A ship in the harbour is Safe; but that is not what ships are built for.”
    ~’Leo McGarry’, West Wing
    ….Violet stares off into the Trees, pondering this thought further….

    Like

  3. You go, girl! Hooray for Tee the tiger today! And your French, I think, needs no pardon 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Fucking brilliant, Teela! I won’t say I loved it because another woman’s naked pain is never something to love in that sense – but I love your courage in coming out and bloody well saying it. A lot of women are brought up to be polite and ladylike and ashamed of swearing. Bugger that, I say. Rage is red and black and messy and full of the worst words we can think of. Hugs, Ali xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ooh that was great. I love a truly good rant of righteousness. I’ve got some excellent curses if you want – spawn of a witches toilet, cankerous boil on satan’s ass, son of a motherless goat, emotional and intellectual depth of a teaspoon, a festering sore on a hyena’s crotch, a choice between you and eating glass – hand me the plate. Hope your rant eased the pressure a little for you – I understand it will probably need to be released off and on for awhile so it doesn’t fester inside you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Teela,

    As you know I am from New York where cursing is a form of expression. Living in Tennessee now where I was shocked to find that God Damn is an obscenity, I have become a little more sensitive to the use of profanity. I saw some of a “Nurse Jackie” which I had never seen and upon asking my sister in law why they were cursing I was told that it takes place in New York :-).

    But to the point: I have always been amazed at how people think of using a bunch of phonemes thrown together as obscene while there are abusers, criminals and killers out there. THAT is obscene. The recession is obscene. We avoid oscenity by defining it as something we can control: foul language. If most people had to deal with true obscenity they’d cover their heads and hide. It’s easier this way; dealing with the true evil in the world is a tough job but you can feel quite pious at the end of the day because you told someone not to “f-bomb” (I love that phrase-it’s so hypocritical almost saying the think your not supposed to be saying).

    So go on and express your pain with the worlds that are meant to express pain. What else are they there for.

    As we’d say in New York: Fuckin’ A! As for your abuser I will offer a phrase that was popular when I was a kid but no longer seems en vogue: Eat shit and die. Always loved that one.

    I think these words might be the only one’s your abuser will understand.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, thank you for the validation. You’re right on all counts. I shuddered when I posted it. As you have discovered, the Bible Belt frowns on this sort of thing….. 😉
      I felt better immediately after the shock of posting. And you have never been more right. It is almost hypocritical. I despise hypocrisy, yet I’ve fostered it in the past.
      I’m all for honesty these days.
      I love Fuckin’ A. I have used it in the past as well as eat shit and die (motherfucker.)
      One more thing:
      I find your statement interesting concerning obscenity.
      We fall all over ourselves to avoid true obscenities, yet go into wide varied discussions over ugly words.
      I’ll have to ponder on that for a while.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Cutting Throats, girl! You know I got your back 😉
    Shit, look who’s my cussin cousin after all? Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The “F” word was first coined by someone who encountered a sociopath. I’m sure of it, because using the “F” word works well for a lot of us. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Paula. I appreciate you reading.
      And not judging. That means a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

      • No judgment from me…I love that you feel safe and powerful enough to express and purge all that needs to be expressed and purged. How else can we move beyond it if we don’t accept and immerse ourselves in all of this shit? Feel it now so we don’t have to revist it in 6 months or in 6 years from now. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Amen. I do feel better, and a little naked.
        I want to be over this. And I never want to revisit this place again.
        Depression by definition is anger turned in on one’s self.
        I can’t take the blame anymore. It’s not mine to carry.
        Thank you for your support. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Well just get your bad self up and say it straight! The way I figure it, it’s your house and any who don’t like the way you live ought not to be looking in through the windows. I’m just glad I’m not the guy you’re pissed off at!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Effing Trés bon! Glad you got that out…now breathe.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Yeehaaw! No, I will not excuse your french 🙂
    I wonder how it feels to get that out…?
    I spewed on paper here in my living room a few times and I definitely felt the ‘pressure’ inside my chest and my head diminish a comfortable click. Regret not doing it pretty much every day.
    Your expulsion of irateness above has been a long time coming…
    I suggest you (and I!) make such a profanity fest a regularly scheduled thing… The outlet is necessary for our mental health and self-respect.
    Amazing, amazing gift to yourself…xo

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I second what inspiredbythedivine1 said.
    To paraphrase Forrest Gump, “Sometimes there just are not enough fuckin’ rocks.”
    Rock On! Teela.
    Personally, as a foul-mouthed sailor, I am damn proud of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I get it and applaud it. Sometimes this is necessary. I cuss like a sailor anyway, so you don’t upset me!

    Like

  14. Nice. We need to do shit like this. NOTHING feels as good as multiple fuck you’s, when you’re expressing rage. Writing this was a great way to express the way you feel. There are no nice, polite ways to express the pain rage and hate cause us. And fuck anyone who doesn’t get it.

    Liked by 1 person

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